Dear Women of Chicago,

Just a reminder that leggings are not a substitute for pants. I don't care how thin you are, but leggings accentuate all of your flaws and even add extra cellulite. Tunics are in this season, please pair them with leggings.

XOXO,

Michelle

To the Man on the Bus:

The other day while riding the bus to work, I was impressed with the European styling of your suit that was impeccably tailored and was worn with a very crisp, white button down and nice tie. It's not everyday that I see a twenty-something male with that nice of a suit. Then, I saw your shoes. What possessed you to wear brown square-toed Skechers loafer style shoes with your beautiful black pin-striped suit? Next time try a classic pair of black dress shoes, unless you want to look like the mail room intern for the rest of your business career.


XOXO,

Michelle

To the Bros Who Live Above Me:

Thank you for the nonstop testosterone fest. I really enjoy hearing a booming bass and hard rock music for hours on end. The screaming, banging things, jumping, and running across your apartment are nice touches, as well. Today I really enjoyed the addition of the sound of one of you dragging the Solo-Flex machine around the living room. I understand that you need to prove your masculinity to the rest of the building and each other. But, I am not fooled for a second. I know it's an act. You secretly love the Jonas Bros. and Justin Bieber.

XOXO,
Michelle

DSW

Dear DSW,

I only shop your store when I want to find last year's styles for this year's prices.

XOXO,
Michelle