Dear Michigan Ave. Shoppers,

Please keep in mind that none of the stores on Michigan Ave are flea markets, thrift stores, or swap meets. If a price seems too low, you probably need to take another look at the sign. If this is too much for you to handle, may I suggest shopping your local garage sale.

XOXO, Michelle

Dear Party Bus riders,

I think you need to take a lesson from Outkast and "Uh-huh hush that fuss, everybody move to the back of the bus!"

XOXO,
Michelle

Dear Lee DeWyze,

If Bono wasn't recovering from surgery he would totally punch you for covering "Beautiful Day." It was a bad Karaoke version, at best. You're not good enough for a dive bar. I think a trailer park suits you better.

XOXO,
Michelle

Dear Women of Chicago (and everywhere else too),

I know that anything goes when you're at the beach, but this rule does not apply when you're back on the concrete. Please do everyone a favor and find a beach cover-up that does just that: COVERS YOU UP! Wearing a bandeau bikini top and a tube top is not the best option if the girls are sagging. A sun dress or tank and shorts are better options.

XOXO, Michelle

P.S. Jersey maxi dresses should all be burned. They look bad on everyone.

Dear John Mayer,

OMG! I am soooo excited for your summer tour! Wow...you've outdone yourself this time. I am so stoked to see Train AND Owl City as opening acts. I wonder how you were able to snag them. I guess Nickelback and the Jonas Bros. were already booked. XOXO, Michelle

Dear Computer,

I don't think I've told you lately how much I hate you. You're slow, awkward to carry, and have a battery life of an hour. You think you're a laptop, but you're more like a portable desktop. The CD drive not opening is the last straw with you. It's ok, computer, I didn't really want to put new music on my iTunes anyway. Just so you know, the second I have enough money, I'm dumping you for a Mac. Your days are numbered, laptop.

XOXO, Michelle

Dear Women of Chicago,

Just a reminder that leggings are not a substitute for pants. I don't care how thin you are, but leggings accentuate all of your flaws and even add extra cellulite. Tunics are in this season, please pair them with leggings.

XOXO,

Michelle